Ed,

Thanks so much for the letter, the update, and the inquiry in Assisted Living.

I’ve been able to come up with some “shards of wisdom” regarding Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Nursing Homes.  I don’t know if any of this will help you, but here goes.

I find it a problem with a lot of people not know the differences between Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Nursing Homes.  Most people, when they hear any of the three, have in their minds Nursing Homes and an immediate reaction that it should be “avoided at all costs”.  But when the distinction is made, they are able to consider Independent Living and/or Assisted Living as being much more tolerable.  (Smile)

I also have mobility problems (balance) that makes it necessary to use a walker.  I appreciated the Independent Living facility where my meals, my friends, and my activities were all within a “walker’s” distance.  Even with a cane, I was falling almost once a month.  But in an environment where I could use my walker all the time, I never fell down.

My space was spacious.  It was about 1,000 square feet (about the size of my condo at Vista Royale).  I found the food good.  After being here a few weeks, I made a comment at our table (of four) that I liked the food here in that I was afraid it was going to be bland.  A woman, sitting across from me, made a face as if to communicate, “How can anyone like the food here?”  I looked at her said, “Look, for 15 years I have been a bachelor and this food is definitely better than bachelor food.  (Smile)  Your monthly lease here includes weekly “light housekeeping”.  The “housekeeper” comes in and gives a quick sweep of the floors, cleans the bathrooms and kitchen, etc.  I got to know my housekeeper and her military son better than I did the other residents. 

Because I wanted to be on a strict diet, I opted out of the meal plan (3 meals a day) and was given a $400.00 a month credit.  However, I was the last resident able to use that option.  In fact, had I remained under my next lease, I would have had to have paid that $400 and also the amount of the annual lease.  (I’ve lost over 40 pounds since I went there.) 

I was a little disappointed with the activities, though.  I would have preferred a few more activities that were more intellectually challenging.  Most of the activities were for Bingo, or board games (including Mexican Train).  They had, I felt, good professional musicians in here performing to a non-interested crowd.  (I felt sorry for some of the performers.)  One time Virginia and I went to The Villages to consider those places.  I looked at the “daily catalog” of activities and events, and found the same thing. 

One big problem I felt that you probably wouldn’t mind was social.  There were a lot of social activities, but socially, one only dealt with others on a superficial level.  People were friendly, but not to the point of developing a “friend” relationship.  I find this more a product of our society than the problem of one institution.  I found it at UUFVB, I found it at Rotary, and other places.  You would meet people in the halls, greet them, talk about the weather or what you did last week, and then the planned event would begin and so you never conversed more deeply than that. 

If your problem is mobility/walker, I would recommend Independent Living.  I sold my car after being here one month because I realized I wouldn’t need it.  I order my food from WalMart and everything else from Amazon and everything is delivered to my door.  The only thing I miss with not having a car is going to events like concerts, or plays.  (Or Friday mornings at Panera.)  I thought I would develop “friends” who had car and I could go with them.  But that was not to be. 

Discovery Village has both Independent Living and Assisted Living in two separate wings.  Other than that, all activities and events are mixed so you don’t know if someone is Independent or Assisted.  The difference is that the people in Assisted Living require some form of assistance and their rate will be determined by the level of assistance.  One of the most common needs for Assisted Living is bath.  If you require assistance to take a bath/shower, then you would be an AL.  Other assistances would include the taking of your medicines, memory problems, etc.  Some of the people in AL have their own caregivers come in to give them assistance.  (Some people in IL will also have caregivers come in for a few hours now and then.)  jThis might include people who are wheelchair-bound. 

If you were to look into different Independent Living facilities, my regrets would include questions I’d be unable to research.  Like Reserves.  Just as condos need Reserves to handle capital assets like roofing, pavement, pool, etc. Independent Living facilities are not regulated much at all.  As a result, you cannot view their Reserves although you should be able to. 

Discovery Village is having a lot of problems now with their infrastructure – heating, hot water, air conditioners, pool, etc.  I’m sure that when Discovery Village bought it from Isles of Vero three years ago that no on did a Due Diligence.  I’m sure the DV people thought they would save money by not having a DD or by having their paper-pushers from Corporate do it rather than spend money on an engineering firm.  And now, with all their problems, Corporate is expecting the local facility to take care of all of these issues through their annual budget rather than from their Reserves.  As a result, band-aids are being applied where they need surgery.

But as far as I know, there is nothing you can do to spot a problem area like this in your searching. 

I don’t know if these thoughts have been instruction to you at all, but if they raised more questions than they have answered, please feel free to write me back and ask.

 

David

 

 

Compassion

How do you define “Compassion”.  I could give you my definition but then this post would become one of  semantics which is not the intention.  I will allow you to have your own definition of “compassion”.

Do you value compassion?  Is compassion a high value in your system of values?  I would hope so.  If you do not value compassion, then you can stop reading here.  I only want to communicate with others who feel that compassion (and empathy) are important values that we each should have.

How do you express compassion?  Or do you believe that compassion is something to be discussed but not include any action?  Again, if you don’t believe in delivering compassion to others, then you can stop reading.  I only want to communicate with others who believe that compassion should include some kind of action.

With that, let’s proceed.  For this exercise in compassion, let’s say that we do not “show” compassion to dead people.  Even when we go to a funeral, we may be showing respect to the dead person, but not compassion.  But those of us who value showing compassion will look for ways to show compassion to those others at the funeral who are currently alive – like the family and friends of the deceased. 

Now let’s apply this to the situation in Gaza.  Let’s be sorry for the over 45,000 Gazans who have been killed/murdered, but let’s realize that that feeling is not the same as showing compassion on them.  Instead, we need to show compassion on those who are still living in Gaza.

Now we are not talking about 45,000 people, we are talking about millions.  How many people have lost a spouse in Gaza?  How many parents have lost one or more children in Gaza?  How many people are unemployed in Gaza?  (It seems to me that the unemployment number in Gaza is close to 100%.)  How many parents are unable to support their families and children?  How do these people feel knowing that they are helpless in terms of helping their own families.  How many people in Gaza are living in fear every day of their lives?  How many people in Gaza have no hope of things getting better soon? 

Millions.  Millions of people are suffering in Gaza.  And they are suffering on a daily basis.  And yet, we only hear of the 45,000 that are dead.  We can’t do anything for the dead.  But we can do something for the millions of people in Gaza who are suffering every day. 

The first thing we can do for the millions of people who are suffering is to admit that this is wrong and this does not need to be the only situation of life or death.  But when I hear even the progressives here in the States say anything (which is far too seldom) they say that it issue shouldn’t even be discussed.  If it can’t be discussed, then it cannot be admitted that this is terribly wrong.  If we refuse to admit that this is terribly wrong, we are no better than the Germans in the 1930’s who said that the issue of Nazism shouldn’t be discussed.  I’ve been told that the issue is too complex, it’s been an issue of millennia and so it can’t be otherwise.  (Which is false because there wasn’t this issue before 1948.)  I’m told that we might offend some innocent people if we discuss it.  Correct discussion does not lead to offense.  The offense comes in attributing shame, or blame, or guilt onto labels that don’t deserve it. 

The labels of Hamas, or Jew, or Gaza, or Israel should not be used.  The guilty are those people who believe that the destruction of innocent men, women, and children is the appropriate action or reaction to take.  If you want to use a label, then use the label “Zionists” as your label that pretty much fits that category.  But not all Jews or people in Israel are Zionists just as all Muslims in Gaza are terrorists.  But you never hear Zionists argue their case because they would rather hid behind a Label that is meaningless. 

I have found that those who are in favor of war (both Iraq and Gaza are good examples here) are motivated by fear.  And those who are anti-war are motivated by compassion.  If I had a choice, and I thank all the gods that I do have a choice, I would rather be known as one who is motivated by compassion than by fear.

And that is true regardless of your definition of compassion.

David Kimball

 

 

Mellie,

Thanks so much for the “letter”.  I consider it a “letter” -  more than just a Message on Messenger.  And for that reason, I’m responding in an e-mail which, I think, is a better medium for letters.  (Smile)

I belong (?) to a group of people who meet every Monday morning, via Zoom, to discuss “Current Events”.  Much of this is what is going on politically in DC.  I think everyone is a progressive, and most of the people are former Unitarian Universalists, UU’s.  Needless to say, everyone was against Trump before the elections and still are.  But all they can do is talk with labels. 

The Monday before the elections, they were all excited because some famous pollster was “prophesying” a win for Harris.  They can only quote pollsters and pundits and editorials.  No one puts forth what is in their own mind except me.  What’s right for me is because it seems right with my particular World View.  I may read something that resonates with my views but I will only quote it because it resonates with me.  I never quote anyone else because (s)he is “an authority”.

I feel that my ideas are based on critical analysis, compassion and empathy towards others, my personal set of standards for ethics and justice, and based on the principles of conflict management.  I feel secure with my thoughts and ideas.  I enjoy it when someone “with authority” says something that resonates within me, but I won’t quote that person as an authority.  If I quote them, it’s only because I feel the person said something in a way that I wished I had said it that way. 

Everyone else in this intelligent group is afraid to say what they believe.  They will only quote others “in authority”. 

It became obvious to me this day before the election that people were looking for “authorities” to say how they felt.  They weren’t searching for Truth.  They weren’t trying to figure out the “other side”.  They had no idea what “those others” were feeling nor how they would vote.  They didn’t care.  All they cared about was finding an authority that would say what they were looking for. 

The problem with our society and its lack of critical analysis is on both sides – progressives and conservatives.  But they don’t realize it, so they don’t respond when it is brought to their attention. 

For a few weeks, this same group was talking about the “Bonhoeffer Moment” in the 1930’s and 1940’s and comparing it to the Trump era(s).  But when I brought up, like a prophet crying in the wilderness, that the “Bonhoeffer Moment” is today all about the situation in Gaza.  That is where tens of thousands are being massacred.  That is where millions are being displaced with no place to go while their homes are razed.  That is where the entire population now is officially unemployed so parents are unable to care for their own families.  Yet the United States is not only supporting this but is also promoting it.  How can we be concerned about the “sanctity” of our Republic/Nation and not be against this heinous crime.

I have discovered that those who were for in illegal invasion of Iraq (and Afghanistan, and Viet Nam) and now Gaza, are motived by fear.  Those who are against these wars, including Gaza are motivated by compassion and empathy towards others.  The choice in Gaza is not of believing some promise made by an invisible god to a shepherd (who was the father to both the Jews, and the Muslims) thousands of years ago vs the evil of the Muslims:  the choice is allowing ourselves to be motivated by fear or by compassion.  The Christians talk about the Sermon on the Mount, but don’t apply it to Gaza.  The Christians would rather have the 10 Commandments on the walls of schools rather than the Beatitudes.  Christians are still wanting to be led by the Old Testament god rather than the Christ of the Gospels.  (Actually, Christians today want to be directed by the theology of the Apostle Paul rather than the life of Christ.) 

When I bring up the issue of Gaza and what position we should have with it, I am tole (by Christian progressives) that it is a complex issue and we should just leave it alone.  Yet they will want to talk and talk and talk (and get nothing accomplished) about the Evil One in DC.  They do not accomplish anything with that talk either but it’s comfortable for them to talk about it together.

Yes, this is a group I am leaving behind.  They are lacking in my four standards:  1) critical analysis; 2) compassion and empathy; 3) Development of personal values for personal ethics and justice (rather than outsource their ethics to religion and justice to the government); and 4) Conflict Management. 

You asked about our being a Republic rather than Democracy?  You are right.  Technically we are, or should be, a Republic rather than a Democracy.  But everyone is so in love with the ideal of Democracy that they equate the United States with Ideal Democracy.  But in either case, it is not “representational”.  The legislature doesn’t represent the “masses” when it comes to gun control, or Defense spending, or how to count election votes or even if we should change our clocks twice a year. 

The voting today is based on the lobbying groups – a force/factor which didn’t exist at the time of the Constitution.  We have a “check and balance” system for three parts of the government (although none for the Judicial system any more) but the Lobbying groups are recent and so there are not checks and balances for them.  And the powers that be would rather keep it that way because they can control more of the money as long as the Lobbyists are not controlled. 

I see such a difference between US Democracy and Ideal Democracy.  I would fight for Ideal Democracy but I won’t fight to continue US Democracy.  US Democracy is not worth fighting for. 

My retreat, I have come to learn, is not a retreat from everyone.  Rather it is retreat from all that doesn’t matter to me.  I am avoiding all the people who don’t matter to me and where I don’t matter to them.  People are friendly, I have found, but few are desirous of making friends.  I am also withdrawing from activities that don’t matter.  And I’m enjoying this life. 

You are a person who has expressed an interest in me, and I really appreciate that.  I was 120% involved in the local UU church, in the local Rotary group, in the Interfaith Community, and even in the Independent Living facility.  Yet, no one was interested in having lunch or dinner with me, or getting together to just talk.  No one was interested in my thoughts or opinions or the experiences I have had throughout my journey.  I have learned how to be invisible.  And all I’m doing now is becoming involved only with those who are interested in me and I can have an interest in them.

I appreciated what you included in your letter about the goals of the “nationalist megachurches”.  I also resonated with your comments about how our society has become sheep following the advertising directives.  Our society started having their problems knowing what to believe because of the hyperboles of advertising.  We have come so accustomed to our advertisers that political decisions are determined by advertisers making 30 second “spots”.  There is no such thing as using critical analysis with advertisers.  And advertisers are pushing the Gospel of  “everything’s about you” rather than compassion and empathy.  Advertisers are great at dealing with product values of “good, better, best” but terrible in terms of developing any humanistic values.  And for any conflict in your life, you can always “buy” a solution.

You mentioned the fear of Social Security and Medicare getting cut off.  I’m not too worried about that.  It may change, but I don’t see it just disappearing.  That is “motivation by fear – of the unknown”.  If a person is concerned that money will run out, there is a very simple solution – remove the cap so that everyone pays SS regardless of how much money they make a year. 

And yes, the people who voted for Trump voted for him because of his personality, not because of his policies.  (I recognize that when Hillary ran against him.)  So now they have to reap what they has sown in their ignorance.  The problem is, so do we. 

Again, Democracy (or Representational Republic) is good  with two standards: 1) you have an intelligent and informed populace; and 2) you have a populace that will vote for the good of society even at a personal cost.  We have neither.  And of all the people discoursing against Trump, I don’t see anyone effectively changing that sad arrangement.

Again, thanks for writing and showing some appreciation/interest in me as a person with my own thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

Please tell me more about what Willow is doing in Texas and with her life.  It seems that you’ve done a great job of raising her not to be materialistic.  (Smile)

David